My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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