It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
