I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So squirting runs in the family.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
