Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
