i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
