I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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