Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
