Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
