I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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