Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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