there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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