Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize