Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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