Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
