you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
