i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
