guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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