I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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