my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
