This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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