HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
