So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
