u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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