so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
