1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
