jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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