please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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