she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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