what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
