His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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