Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
