her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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