i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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