He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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