I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
