We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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