The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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