I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
