Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Someone signed my nipple.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
