My nipple is on Facebook.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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