I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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