he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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