Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
