you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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