the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
