if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
