Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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