I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
