WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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