Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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