No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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