I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
