ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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