My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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