ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
operation have a gay friend backfired
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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