Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
