loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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