My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
