I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
