her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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