I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize