Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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