Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
