I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
