New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
