Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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