Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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